I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
