he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
