I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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