Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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