I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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