I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
