It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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