The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
