Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
