tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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