I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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