so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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