THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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