Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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