my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
