i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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