The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
