Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
