everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
