What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
