two words: eviction party
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
