I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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