I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
