Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
