I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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