I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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