i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
now i know why i became what i already was.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
