woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
