she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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