phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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