I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
