i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
