Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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