1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
