just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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