i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
