I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
