We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he was CRYING into my vagina
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
