forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
