Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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