Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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