people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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