Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
