Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize