Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
