Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
