Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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