I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
