It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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