Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
