It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
