Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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