I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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