i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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