im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
