oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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