I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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