grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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