If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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