All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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