Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
