you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
try to milk me bitch
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