Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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