Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
