Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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