the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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