Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
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Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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