Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
