Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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