new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
