also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
