ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
