And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
