I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
