New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
