that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
