I want to have your abortion
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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