It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she told me i tasted like america
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
