He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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