the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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