I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
