Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
