I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
