Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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