I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
