Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
