His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
