you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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