I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
